You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
