So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
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I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
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no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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