So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
