i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
