U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
