At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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