I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
