Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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