i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
