whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
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Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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