If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
