We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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