Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
