lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
