Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
