somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
