My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
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Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
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When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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