we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
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I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
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omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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