I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
