you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The air taste purple.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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