smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
