I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
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He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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