My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
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