Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
