and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
