Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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