dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize