Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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