I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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