apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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