I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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