i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
