I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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