I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
