Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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