he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
