ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
