Did you just see the Batmobile???
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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