he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
