She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
