Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
