it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.