I think my fart just growled at me.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?