im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
