seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Houston, we have a squirter
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
