there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
