I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
