I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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