if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
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My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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