I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
