Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i believe in u and ur pee
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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