Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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