woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
