You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
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sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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