would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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