Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I need to calm my uterus...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
