I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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