So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
