we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
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He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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