Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
